


the wind blows a little bit colder

by holographicbubbles



Series: a-spec things [2]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Anna (Disney), Aromantic Awareness Week, Aromantic Awareness Week 2021, Aromantic spectrum, Aromanticism, F/M, Gen, alloaro, romance-favorable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29698695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holographicbubbles/pseuds/holographicbubbles
Summary: “And you know, maybe in all of this, or I guess what I’m trying to say, or I don’t know, but maybe there’s just something wrong with me.” Anna let out a bitter laugh. “Love’s just not like what the fairy tales said it would be.”
Relationships: (background) Elsa/Honeymaren, Anna & Elsa (Disney), Anna & Honeymaren (Disney), Anna/Kristoff (Disney)
Series: a-spec things [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2191527
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	the wind blows a little bit colder

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so. This started as a really random idea, basically, there maybe was some conversation about "everyone's a-spec now"?? i dont really remember??? anyway. Anna's main color is green and i am a simple aro, i see green and go: "ARO!!" uh yes. that's pretty much it
> 
> thanks [Dork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/disneydork/pseuds/disneydork) for encouraging my stupid a-spec headcanons! 
> 
> and happy (belated) Aro-spec Awareness Week everyone!! 
> 
> and a final note — i'm not allo-aro, so I did my best here! if anyone wants to give y'know, constructive criticism, I would love to hear!

“How do you…” Anna paused. The words were on the tip of her tongue, growing warm and stale with each second she left them unsaid.  _ No more secrets,  _ they had promised each other. And this was Elsa, for fuck’s sake, who would never judge her, who wouldn’t hurt a fucking fly, much less her own sister. Anna took a slow sip of the iced coffee in front of her. It had been sitting untouched for so long that the ice had started to melt, and the coffee itself had begun to taste watery. She scowled at it, aggressively swishing the drink around with the straw. 

Across the table, Elsa quirked a brow. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, just fine,” Anna muttered, barely audible. Instead of meeting her sister’s gaze, she kept herself focused on watching the syrup she’d stirred through the coffee settle at the bottom again. “I was just gonna ask… if…” She bit down on her lip. Elsa looked back at her, waiting for Anna to finish her sentence, waiting to tell Anna how fucking weird Anna— 

“It’s nothing, never mind,” Anna finished through grit teeth. Who would she have been to ruin her sister’s… well, to ruin everything that mattered at the moment? What mattered then was Elsa’s love, her life, her love life, fucking  _ hell  _ — after so many years of fighting for it, her sister was  _ engaged, _ and Anna was worried about the semantics of her own love. 

“Okay,” Elsa said. Her tone was worried, but she let it drop. The corners of her eyes were crinkled, and her irises were pools of fairy-tale, fucking  _ perfect _ blue. 

Anna swished her tongue over her cracked, dry lips. When they were kids, everything about Elsa had been perfect. Ethereal, in-the-spotlight, whatever. To their parents, Elsa had been the poster child for what all children should be; their idea of perfection. 

And then Elsa came out to them as gay, and suddenly Anna was their parent’s last hope. It hadn’t felt good to be someone’s last hope. It had felt even worse to feel like her parents only ever cared about her because they thought she was straight...

When soon after Elsa's coming out, Anna had figured out she was bisexual. 

Hearing her parents’ snide comments toward Elsa about her sexuality was painful. Not just because Anna would later fall asleep to Elsa’s muffled sobs in a different room, and there wasn’t any _ fucking  _ thing Anna could say to make it better for her... but also her own fear. The fear of knowing she was only one wrong move from becoming the target of those comments and those jokes too. 

But then their parents died, and for a long time, nothing mattered anyway. 

But Anna had found Elsa again, or at least their misery had found some company. It had always felt like Anna and Elsa were so close to understanding each other, yet so far away at the same time, and for the first time, it felt like they could see each other clearly. 

It hadn’t made anything all that much less miserable, just less lonely. 

It was Kristoff who had changed the never-ending cycle of misery for Anna because, for once, she had something to live for. It helped her want to wake up each day because he would be there waiting for her. And through him, they had met Ryder, who was the brother of Elsa’s now-girlfriend, Honeymaren. 

And for the first time in forever, Anna’s life had been full. 

She scowled down at her chewed-up straw. At least, she had thought it had been. 

But now? Now she found herself feeling so fucking empty, and she didn’t know what to do with that. 

* * *

Elsa’s iced mocha swished in her cup as she walked next to Anna. Anna’s hands were shoved into her pockets, she’d discarded her coffee a while ago, and her eyes were trained to the ground in front of her. 

“I’ve missed you,” Elsa said. “It’s not been that long, I guess, but I miss having less than a three-hour drive between us.” 

Anna smiled to herself. “I’ve missed you too,” she said. 

Elsa made a quick noise like she was about to say something and decided against it. 

They walked in a slightly-uncomfortable silence to the park, where their partners were waiting for them. 

Maren and Kristoff were sitting on a bench when they arrived. He jumped up when he saw Elsa and ran over to engulf her in a hug. “How’ve you been!?” he exclaimed when he let her go. 

Maren rolled her eyes at him, but her smile was bright and warm and she looked  _ happy;  _ happy like in a way that Anna had wondered for a long time if it was possible, or even real at all. 

Happy like in  _ love, _ she guessed but pushed the thought down as soon as it rose. 

Elsa looked like she couldn’t have been happier to see Kristoff, and vice-versa. Anna could tell there were thousands of words bubbling at her sister’s lips, waiting eagerly to spill out. She couldn’t help but feel a little jealous that Elsa was excited to talk to Kristoff when they had shared about seven words. 

Elsa fidgeted with her thumbs. “So I guess we’ll leave you to have some…”

“Future-sisters-in-law time!” Kristoff finished her sentence, shooting Elsa a pair of finger-guns. 

The pair giggled and took off. Elsa’s eyes trailed behind for a few seconds in Maren’s direction, who returned the look with a gaze full of love. 

Anna wished she didn’t feel so bitter about that. Today was supposed to be Maren and Elsa’s day, and she was jealous and bitter and all because she couldn’t—

Anna gulped and wandered mindlessly over to Maren, who shuffled over to make a little more room as Anna attempted to squeeze herself into the small space between Maren and the edge of the bench. 

“Hey Anna,” Maren said, casually. “Bit of a long-time-no—”

“How do you feel the way for her like you do?” Anna blurted out, cutting off Maren. She groaned, grabbing fistfuls of her red hair and pulling her head to her knees. “I mean, like, I—” her breath caught in her throat, and she choked on her words as she tried, and failed, to hold back a sniffle. 

“What?” Maren looked worried. “Are you okay?” she breathed, her eyes darting back and forth between Anna and Elsa. “Do you want me to get your sister?” 

“No,” Anna said firmly. She gripped Maren’s arm. “I…” She sniffed and wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve. “Just don’t…  _ Please. _ ” 

“I—” Maren looked down at Anna and sighed. “Of course.” She twined her fingers together. “Do you— Is there something I can do? You were asking me something…?” 

Anna let out a shaky sigh. “How do you feel the way you do, for Elsa?” she began, quietly. Her voice trembled. 

“What, like lust!?” Maren shrieked and then cleared her throat. “Sorry, ‘what, lust?’” she repeated, quieter. “You want to hear about my lusting for  _ your sister?  _ Because if that’s the case, I’m leaving now, and we’re never speaking again.” 

“No,” Anna gasped, embarrassed. She hid her face between her legs, attempting to hide the flush that was spreading across her cheeks. “I definitely don’t want to hear about that. Besides, I know what…  _ that,”  _ she gestured vaguely with her hands, “feels like. It’s just… the rest of it...” The rest of her words died on her lips, and she waited helplessly for Maren to break the silence. 

After a brief hesitation, Maren quietly spoke. “What do you mean when you say ‘the rest of it’?” 

Anna swallowed thickly. “I don’t know, I don’t know. Elsa’ll say, you know, all this cheesy shit, like ‘the stars aligned’ and you know, whatever, and I just...” she took a deep breath and let it out through her nose. “I just  _ can’t.  _ You know, whatever. I can’t feel that way, or maybe I’m just not trying hard enough, but I—” Anna sighed. “Elsa always talks about you like you’re the greatest thing to ever happen to her, and maybe you are, and maybe Kristoff just isn’t for me, but I… I thought he was, you know? I thought he was. I still do think he is, I guess, but it’s just… it’s not like that, not how she says it feels for her. It’s not the fireworks and the butterflies and the stars and the sparks. And Kristoff’ll say stuff to…  _ me,  _ sometimes, all that cheesy shit too, or how he started falling in love the day he met me, and after all this… I guess… maybe there’s something more I should be giving. ‘Cause everyone else all seems to be. And I guess if that’s the case… I want to give him more than this like I should be, and I—” she trailed off, looking toward where Kristoff was doubling over in laughter next to Elsa. 

“You know, I love him, I do. Just not like that, like he does for me, or whatever. And I’m probably just a fucking awful person for that. Having led him on, let him think that I—” Anna sniffled, waving her hands uselessly in the air and burying her face deeper into her legs. She could feel Maren’s hand hovering uncertainly over the small of her back. 

When Anna finally spoke again, her voice was small. “And you know, maybe in all of this, or I guess what I’m trying to say, or I don’t know, but maybe there’s just something wrong with me.” Anna let out a bitter laugh. “Love’s just not like what the fairy tales said it would be.” 

Maren opened her mouth and closed it again. “I’m sorry you feel that way,” she said, bluntly. Her voice rattled. “I— you…” 

Anna scoffed. “Don’t. Just. Don’t. Don’t tell me there’s nothing wrong with me, don’t tell me that what I’m feeling is real — of course it is; if it wasn’t I wouldn’t feel like it, would I? Because you can say whatever you’re going to say, but we know the truth, don’t we?” She sniffed. Her eyes watered, spilling over down her cheeks. Her voice broke to a whisper. “Because whatever you say, you know and I know that you’re thinking: ‘Anna, that’s weird; Anna that’s unnatural’ and I—” 

Maren cut her off. She spoke strongly, but still kindly. “You sound like you could be aromantic.” 

Anna sniffed loudly and wiped the tears from her eyes. “What?” she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. 

Maren’s smile was warm and she fished in her pocket for a tissue. “It’s a bit crumpled and… uh,  _ schmutzy... _ sorry,” she said, reluctantly, as she handed it to Anna. “But it’s unused, I promise.” 

Anna took it and squashed it repeatedly like it was a stress ball until a hole tore down the center, and then she tore it to bits and stuffed the pieces into her pocket. 

After a second, Maren started to speak again. “I said, ‘you sound like you could be aromantic.’” She pressed her palms together. “Which means you might not experience romantic attraction.”

Anna shrunk in on herself. 

_ “But,”  _ Maren popped the word. “If you are, that doesn’t mean that you would be worth any less or that you could love any less than other people do. There’s other types of love and attraction than the romantic kind, and people who don’t feel one can still feel others, or they might not feel any types of love or attraction. And all of that is okay.” 

Seeing Anna about to shrink away, Maren put her hand over Anna’s like she was trying to be reassuring. Anna chuckled airily. 

“Why do you know so much?” 

Maren fiddled with her thumbs. “I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find myself.” 

Anna rubbed her eyes. “Me too,” she admitted quietly. “I thought I was done with that, but I guess not.” She let out a long sigh. 

Maren squeezed her hand. “Well, however long it takes, whatever you need, I’m here for you. And I know that my brother will be too, and Elsa, and Kristoff—” 

Anna sat up straight with a jolt and froze, but Maren continued talking without noticing. 

“—We’re all here to have your back.” 

Anna let out a shaky hiss through grit teeth. “Kristoff,” she said quietly. She sniffed and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. “What am I supposed to do?”

Maren looked at her for a few seconds before echoing back to her, “what are you supposed to do about what?” 

Anna’s jaw quivered. “If I—” She sniffed. Her hand shook underneath Maren’s. “If I can't love him. How do I— What do I say to him? I don’t wanna—” She clamped her teeth together, trying to stop her chin from shaking. “I don’t wanna lose him,” she sobbed. Her head fell to Maren’s chest. “I don’t wanna lose him,” she repeated in a trembling whisper. 

Maren squeezed her hand again. “It’s going to be okay—” 

Anna scoffed and leaned away from her. “You know, how kind of you to say that. Especially considering you’re not the one whose whole life just got flipped upside down. You’re not the girl with a boyfriend she can’t love,” she stated bitterly. 

Maren glared at her for a second, before it morphed into something softer. “I never said you couldn’t love him.” 

“Really?” Anna pressed. “Sure feels like you did.” Her voice cracked. “Look at him—” she gestured over to where Kristoff was, still laughing, cheerful, with Elsa. “Look at  _ both  _ of them. Imagine one day Elsa came to you and said she couldn’t love you. Imagine how you would feel. Heartbroken, right?” She seethed. “Now think if you were the one who had to say—” Anna broke off. “Say that you couldn’t love her,” she finished with a whisper. 

Maren reached over to take Anna’s hand again, but Anna pulled away. Maren sighed. “Earlier you said you loved him,” she started gently. “I don’t think you suddenly don’t. I think maybe you love him in a different way than you thought you did. And I think that whatever way you love him, I think that that is true and real and worthy. And I think—” she paused. “No, I  _ know,  _ that Kristoff is going to care for you and love you no matter what. And I think that whatever you want, and whatever you need, you’ll figure it out together.” 

Anna scoffed again. “I don’t love him in the right way. So why should he bother to stay with me?” 

“There’s no  _ right  _ way to love anyone. However you do feel, it  _ is  _ the right way.” 

Anna crumpled into herself. “I just thought that — and it was fucking naïve and stupid of me — but I thought maybe my life would be a fairytale. And this…? It’s not even fucking close.” 

Maren let out a dry chuckle. “Is anyone’s life at all fucking close to a fairytale?” 

Anna balled her hands into a fist and then released them. “Mare…” she sighed. “You’re right. And, I dunno, thanks for being right.” 

“I’m always right,” Maren commented sarcastically. “In all seriousness, though: of course, Anna. And I’m always gonna be here if you need something.” 

Anna bit her lip. “It’s just… at the end of this all, what do I say to him? How do I say ‘I love you— I love you  _ so much,  _ but it’s not in the way you love me.’ How do I tell him that, and make it all worth it? How do I say that without him walking right out the door and leaving me behind? Because I—” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I don’t wanna lose him, don’t wanna lose what we’ve got going.” 

Maren bit the inside of her cheek. “I can’t—” she sighed. “I can’t tell you that it’s all gonna be okay, or that it’s all gonna be perfect, I can’t… I can’t lie and tell you that I know exactly how every little thing is going to turn out. I guess you just gotta trust him and trust yourself.” 

Anna itched to roll her eyes, scoff, and shoot back some sarcastic response. 

But a tiny part of her kept her from doing so because however little Anna wanted to admit it, Maren was right. 

She sighed instead, placed her hand over Maren’s. Her mouth hung open, waiting for words that weren’t coming to form. 

“Why— I— just— I— ugh,” she groaned. “I don’t know what to say.” 

Maren smiled and chuckled quietly in response. “I grew up thinking I was going to, I dunno…  _ grow up,”  _ she shrugged, “get married to some guy…” She shook her head and looked over toward Elsa. Kristoff and Elsa had started to walk back toward Maren and Anna, chatting and dictating their conversations with animated hand movements. A slight blush covered Maren’s cheeks, her eyes sparkling and full of joy. “Life doesn’t always turn out like you'd expect, but isn’t that for the better sometimes?” 

Anna waited to answer, pondering the question even though she knew it was rhetorical. “I guess if everything I thought would have happened had… well, happened, my life would have been pretty boring, huh?” 

Maren stretched as she lifted herself from the bench that had become the rather boring setting for a not-so-boring conversation. She turned around to face Anna and held her hand out for Anna to take. 

“Yeah,” Maren agreed, as she pulled Anna to a stand beside her. “Isn’t that the truth.” 

Anna let her arms sway at her sides, smiling softly at the ground. Elsa and Kristoff’s voices grew clearer as they neared. 

“Hope we’re not interrupting anything too interesting,” Elsa commented as she went straight to Maren’s side. Maren shot a side-glance at Anna, who shook her head. 

“Not too much,” Anna said. It wasn’t the right time to bring up what she and Maren had talked about, but soon enough. When her sister wasn’t newly engaged. 

Elsa slid her hand through Anna’s and grinned at her. With her other hand, Elsa took Maren’s, and Anna mirrored her sister by taking Kristoff’s. 

For right now, though, Anna thought, smiling at the people who she loved standing by her — for right now, though, this was enough.

* * *

“Kristoff?” Anna’s voice echoed out into the empty darkness of their post-midnight bedroom. Shadows from the spare bit of light peeking through their curtains danced across the ceiling, and she followed their movement with her eyes. 

“Hmmm?” Kristoff responded, sounding half awake. 

“Sorry,” Anna whispered to him. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t, it’s fine. I was awake.” He yawned, betraying what his words tried to say. 

Anna rolled her eyes before sighing and flipping onto her side to face him. She worried her lower lip with her teeth. “It’s just—” she paused and sighed. “Well, there was something I was hoping to tell you.” 

Something tight swelled in her chest, hollow and too hopeful and yet not hopeful enough. 

“Mmm.” Kristoff’s eyelids drooped. “You can tell me anything.” 

Anna swatted him half-heartedly. “No, no. Stay awake, it’s important.” 

“At twelve AM?” Kristoff groaned, but rolled over and met her eyes. She must have looked desperate or something, cause his face softened. “Yeah?” 

Anna fiddled with her fingers. “Well, you know, how Maren and I were talking earlier…” she began nervously. 

“Your future-sisters-in-law bonding time?” Kristoff joked. 

“If you insist, yeah.” Anna rolled her eyes. “But I— we… we talked a lot. And together, I— she helped me come to the conclusion that I’m aromantic.” 

Anna stopped, waiting hopefully for Kristoff to say something, and her heart began to race when she was met with nothing but silence. 

Fuck. She’d have taken anything — you’re weird, you’re wrong, you’re broken, as long as it was fucking  _ something — _ over silence. 

Maybe it had been a bad idea to tell him, maybe she should have thought more, maybe not at twelve AM, maybe— 

Kristoff cleared his throat softly. “Can I… can I ask what that means?” 

Anna let out a tense breath that she didn’t know she had been holding. “Yeah.” She nodded, taking a few deep breaths. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. So I just...” She took one more deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut. 

Worst comes to worst, well… 

She didn’t really wanna think about that. 

And so she stumbled in blindly. “I don’t feel…” She swallowed thickly and forced the rest of the words out. “I don’t feel romantic attraction.” 

She cracked one of her eyes open slightly. 

“At all?” Kristoff asked. He didn’t sound hurt, just… curious, and Anna guessed that had to count for at least something. 

“Yeah, not really at all.” 

“Oh.” 

Anna winced at the tone of his voice. Still not hurt, just heavy, and something in it scared her. 

She wanted to say more—  _ “but I love you, okay? I love you so much and I… please don’t leave me?”  _ she wanted to beg, because she was scared, so fucking scared — but nothing came out when she tried. 

“So…” Kristoff continued. “So what does that mean for us?” 

Anna winced again. Her throat was dry. “I love you,” she began, tediously. “I always have and I still do, that doesn’t change. I just…” She twined her fingers together. “I just love you differently than you love me and like I thought I loved you, I guess. I don’t…” she sighed. “I don’t really know what kind of love that is, I guess. It’s just… I don’t know, it’s something and it’s strong and I love you…” 

She didn’t really want to ask it. Her stomach felt heavy at the thought, but something drove her on. Once again, little as she wanted to admit it, Maren had been right — Kristoff didn’t look angry, just slightly confused and mostly curious, and somehow, Anna didn’t really doubt anymore that he would stay. 

“So I guess the question is, then… do you still love me?” Her voice pinched on the last words. 

“Are you kidding me!?” Kristoff threw his arms out to the sides, almost smacking Anna right in the face. But it was like he barely noticed, still driven by indignation. “I couldn’t never not!!” 

Anna laughed. “Wait, wait. Too many double negatives, slow down. Or is it like a several negative if there’s, like, way too many of them?” she giggled. 

“Seriously—” Kristoff laughed too, playfully swatting at Anna’s nose. “Seriously, Anna. I couldn’t ever not love you. You’re everything to me, you’re the—” 

“Gross,” Anna cut him off, wheezing through her own laughter. “I don’t need a sappy speech, it’s twelve in the morning and we’re both half-awake, chill.” 

“It wasn’t gonna be a whole speech!” Kristoff exclaimed. “But  _ fine,  _ I guess you don’t need to hear about how much I love you. I guess you’re too cool now for metaphors, huh?” 

“Shut uuup,” Anna groaned. 

Kristoff let out a long sigh, the kind that people do when they’re trying to calm down from laughing. He shook his head. “Just one more question, if that’s okay…?” 

Anna nodded. 

“Are you… Does what we have between us, does that change?” 

“I’d like it if we could keep it this way.” Anna grinned. “If you still want to.” 

“Of course I do!!” Kristoff grinned back at her. “I love you, Anna—” 

She pressed her finger to his lips. “Shh, no declarations of love at twelve AM on a Sunday,” she laughed. “Save it for the altar, you dumbass.” 

“Oh, the altar, huh?” 

Anna blushed. “I don’t know, I always assumed that one day…” she trailed off. 

“Would you want to?” Kristoff asked, sounding just as embarrassed as Anna felt. 

“Sure, but let’s maybe not decide this at twelve AM on a Sunday, alright?” Anna laughed and rolled her eyes. “Hey, but… thanks for listening. And for… I don’t know, not hating me.” 

“I feel like you didn’t give me much choice of listening to you or not,” Kristoff joked. “Thanks for telling me, though. I love you.” 

“I love you too. We should probably get some sleep now, hm?” she asked, except it was mostly rhetorical, because she was exhausted and knew Kristoff was too. 

“See you in the morning, Anna,” Kristoff said. “I love you.” 

“See you in the morning,” Anna echoed back. She closed her eyes, feeling warm and fuzzy and  _ light.  _

All she’d ever wanted was to be happy.

And for the first time in forever, she had a chance, and she was gonna get it right. 

**Author's Note:**

> Alright that was 100% just an excuse to vent a lot of negative emotions that i've had through the years 
> 
> one day i will expand on this more. there was so much more that i couldn't fit in here, but i want to some day. anyway in the meantime who wants me to yell at them about the reasons anna is actually aromantic in canon


End file.
